I remember at about age ten my best friend blurting out in frustration, "You always have to be right!" I knew she was right, probably the first time I realized it consciously, and I noticed it came at the price of me not being as loveable. Ouch. I wanted to be loved and I also wanted the world to make sense and understand how things work in my mind. My internal sense of order. There's just a "right" way for some things to be for me, a way that makes sense. I like understanding things, and it's hard not to talk about it.
My mom was this way when it came to grammar -- "Laurie and I, not me and Laurie." "Fewer, not less. You can count them." She couldn't help herself, and I'm not sure that I wanted her to -- she needed to make that correction, and I learned a lot of grammar. Isn't wasn't personal, it was just who she is. "If I were, (not if I was), condition contrary to fact."
Apparently my version of rightness and order isn't always so easily understood. "No, don't do that!", or "that's not what I meant" or "I don't think so" can be hard words to hear by those who don't get me. It's not supposed to be personal. These knee-jerk reactions, thinking out loud, are about the facts and ideas, not the person saying them. I welcome engagement and even contradiction or confrontation if it will lead to a better idea or even an awareness that my words were hurtful. I am loveable, I swear, just give me a chance to explain.
